Yesterday I wrote an entry to this blog after not done it for a few years. Today I started reading my blog from the beginning, well that's a lie, i started yesterday. Today I continued doing it. I must say, it has taken me into bit of a black hole. All these memories and thoughts written on here across 13 years. Some of them which I had forgotten about, some of them which instantly brought back feelings, emotions, nostalgia!
At one point I lifted my head up from my phone and looked at my three children and thought... wow... what a difference these years have made. It was such a surreal moment. When I was reading my blog it was as if I was back to being that person again and then coming back to reality it felt like I was this teenager with a full life, husband and children who need their bums wiped. What?? :D Me?? :D
Anyway... that spiked a few thoughts in me that I just wanted to write down as kind of a reference for the future, you know, another 13 years that will pass in a flash and my small children will be teenagers by then...
Reading all my posts there was a few things I noticed and wanted to ponder on a little bit. Firstly, I wrote A LOT about God. Looking back to my life I don't think I necessarily thought about myself as this spiritual person who thinks about God all the time. I know I didn't write my blog every single day, but still, most of them spoke of Him. I am actually really positively suprised about that. I know in my heart that it hasn't changed for me and even now, my first entry after 3 years still speaks of God and related thoughts. I never want to get lost in the 'ordinary' life and only thinking of earthly things. I use the word 'earthly' instead of 'wordly' because not all things eartlhy are worldly if you know what I mean. My husband and my children are a reality of living on earth and every day life is something that we talk about all the time. And talking about it isn't wrong. Everything has to have a right balance I think.
Secondly, I loved reading my Estonian. Living in England and speaking English to my family has slowly put my estonian on the backburner. I wrote a few entries in English and honestly, I wasn't too impressed. I'm sure at the time I felt like it was awesome. But now I'm loving reading my Estonian. It was back when I still knew how to speak and write it, with words in the right order :D. I am not sure this is the case anymore. I might have to try and write one in Estonian again to test myself.
It's incredible to read all these memories and all the things I was up to. All these friends and hangouts and camps and festivals and youth conferences and church and choir and more friends. I'm not sure if anyone from my old friends circle is going to read this, but a huge SHOUT OUT to Matteus, Anthony, Marii, Imre, Matthias, Linda and my sisters and Ulli who always had nice things to comment and encourage me in my life and in my doings. I miss you all very much and cherish the moments we had together.
Now I want to talk a little bit about my life here. It's been almost 10 years since I moved here. I'm no longer a person that stays out or stays up for long hours of the night. I'm a mother of 3 beautiful children, a wife to an exceptional husband, I lead worship and help out with creche at my church and occasionally I meet up with my mum friends. This pretty much sums up my life at the moment.
When me and Ricky first got together it was a quick journey to getting engaged (TODAY IS OUR ENGAGEMENT ANNIVERSARY) and then getting married and then ofcourse getting pregnant with our first child Olivia. It's been an incredible journey and learning how to not look back and wish for old times or a certain type of freedom but more to look ahead and see all the blessings of now and what's to come.
In my next post I'd love to write more about my children, if for nothing else, then just to read back on it when I've forgotten this stage.
BYE!
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